So this summer I thought it would be a great idea to cut my long hair. I had thought about it for a while. I wanted to get my children ready for a bald Mum (remember HSCT involves chemo). Take it step by step. I just wasn't sure when to do it. There's lots of time, right ? Treatment is in March.
So one of my older daughters wanted to have shorter hair for the summer too. I take her to the hair dresser and when I'm on the way with her I think .. what the heck !! I'm going to chop mine too. All of it, make it super short. Yeah !! July. Summer in Canada ... not a bad idea. I have to say I was ready to fight this humid summer with my short locks. Yup !! For once I'm not going to be battling the weather with pony tails, have the hair up or having to throw cold water on my face. I'm ready, bring it on summer !! My hair was chopped. Wow, it was really short.
This summer, of course, was the best we've had. Hot and dry days. I think we had one, I repeat, ONE humid day. I got ready for a battle I didn't have to fight. The children ? Nah, they didn't need to prepare for any bald Mum. They can easily do that in a week. Now, I have to say, it was nice not to have to worry much about the hair. Summer, free, swimming all day in the pool .. or well, me sitting by the pool deciding when to get in and not get into any swimming race (that I'm slowly starting to suck at -oh boy, children grow up fast and furious), or unwanted splashing (boy I'm getting old). It was nice to live in that graceful freedom anyway.
I used to use my hair short, you know ? Back then I was in my 30's. I was working full time. Life was at my feet. I also had a ton of less weight. Hadn't had any children so no tummy whatsoever. No worries in the world. I had my pedicure done every month, I went to my weekly relaxation massage. Hair dresser every month. I lived by the cinema so I'd go to watch a new movie every weekend, in the morning so nobody else would be in the room. Eat sweet popcorn .. oh life was good indeed. Did I say I was lighter ? I didn't think of that, did I ?
See ? The trouble is, more than 10 years have passed now. Fourteen years in fact. I've gained weight, I don't feel so graceful anymore, I never ever have pedicures either. I've become very ticklish in my feet and it's just plain embarrassing to kick the pedi girl every time she touches my toes. Not worth it. Tummy I have indeed. I have had four children, and oh boy, that takes a toll on your body. My hair dresser (the good one that I save for awesome occasions) shakes her head when I finally decide to go to her in a desperate need to cover my gray hair. Oh yeah, another gift from childbearing/raising, gray hair. Cause I'm not 'that' old. No, no, this is just genetic .. hahaha. Life is still at my feet, but it just doesn't feel the same. So yeah ! I don't look as awesome with short hair as I remembered. But I pulled it off ... ish.
One thing I really enjoy though compared to my 30's is that feeling of not caring. I used to produce myself every time I stepped out of my door, just to look good. I worried about that. What shoes do I wear today .. mmhhh .. which scarf ... which jacket ? I wanted people to like me. In my 40's I could not give a shit. I guess it's also different that now I live in a small town in Canada, where nobody pretty much gives a shit either .. lol. In Santiago, where I used to live (Chile), it's just different. I welcome that. So I feel like wearing yoga pants today, awesome. So I don't feel it like wearing make up today, awesome. Who I'm kidding .. make up only comes on when there's a party or special occasion. Even then, the eye shadow only comes on if it's really an important occasion. When I put eye liner and mascara I get the big WOW's from my children .. Mama is dressing up !! hahhhahaaa. I no longer choose a jacket, it's whatever is hanging in my hook. I pretty much use the same shoes, easy black-go-with-everything slip on shoes, awesome !! I do still like purses though. Everything might look black and gray in my outfit but oh the purses are gorgeous .. hahhaa. So I've saved some money on the clothing and make up area.
So here I am ... with now 'shortish' hair .. growing in a way that isn't too awesome. Do I chop it again ? Does the gray hair grow faster because my hair is short or has it always looked this bad after three months ? Is it a proportion thing ? It's a long wait until my treatment in March ... and there's a looong winter ahead. Crap, I didn't think of winter coming, did I ? I always refuse to wear a hat when it's cold cause it flattens my hair .. well, there's no choice this year ... and the next for that matter. Maybe I'll let it stay like this and at least a bit of hair will come out of the hat ...
Everyone else has been very graceful and they all say I look good. Thanks everyone. Family and friends, it will get better I promise. I'm sure I'll wake up from this 'I don't give a crap' stage and I will take care of myself a bit more. Thank you to my family and friends in Chile. When I got to visit last August everyone also behaved and lied to me saying I looked great. Thank you. I appreciate every effort.
On a side note, I have to give a HUGE thank you to a great response to my idea of the Wristbands. Thank you from the bottom of my heart !! I have some bracelets that will be mailed today to the US, England and some awaiting to go all the way to Australia !! You know who you are !! Thank you !! I can't wait to get those pictures and post them here. You've all been so generous too. Makes me feel amazed at life, at people, at how close we all are after all. I still have a box full of them, so please keep the orders coming.
:)
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